322 thoughts on “Humor by Elfie

  1. It’s cheaper for me to buy a new mother board and load it up with stuff I have than it would be to buy a nice video card that fits my current PC.

  2. No, he was not autistic. He is definitely on something. Look at the way Pat has to hang on to him and the way he leans too close into Vanna.

  3. I think he is defintely autistic… they don’t understand social cues, hence the inappropriate mauling of Vanna and watch how he avoids eye contact with Pat at all costs. Autism for sure.

    Sours~ The rapper was just someone I dated, my ex was not a rapper he was a tagger turned drug addict… get it right!

  4. And EV, never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their moccasins. At your age, I wouldn’t have thought I’d gom through three quarters of the shit I’ve been through, either. You talk to me when your ears have dired out, boy.

  5. EV, when I was your age, I had 40 solidiers under my command. I’d been through some of the Army’s toughest training. What is you do? Hang sheetrock? Fuck you and the horse you rode up on.

  6. DG, I realized awhile back my life is inspirational. I’m a perfect example of what no one should aspire to, except for other cowboys.

  7. So what cbt. You were in the military. EV is what…30 years younger than you. He is plenty of time to do and see more than you ever could have.

  8. I know you just sit in your cabin and smoke weed everyday and try and get with girls that only want your money.

    I wouldn’t say that is father material.

  9. DG, I’ve seen the sun rise and set on 4 continents. I’ve served my country with America’s finest, the 82nd Airborne. I’ve fucked women, for free, that make you look like Jeanine Garafolo. I’ve hunted and been hunted by men with guns that desired nothing less than my death. I’ve had and lost the love of a woman who’s ass u wouldn’t be a pimple on. I fathered the two most beautiful children in the world. EV can gto hang more sheetrock and you can go chase foreigners who’re are after you for a green card.

  10. “Eazy V said…
    If anything, it made me very, very selective in the places I wish to visit.”

    You have the soul of an old man. I’ll go anywhere I’ve never been before at any time, just to see what’s there. I have a young man’s soul.

  11. EV, in general, I have a positive image of you. I attribute your critizisn of me to a lack of life experience.

    As far as all the places you’ve been? DG’s been to Arkansas, but Arkansas ain’t what you see from an RV campground or a gas station parking lot.

  12. I don’t care where you’ve been cbt or care that you were front line in the military. In all reality, even if you were my age I would never consider dating you because you way below my standards.

    Truth is you have more interest in chasing some 20yr old black girl than spending time with your kids. So go ahead and throw all your tough military stories out there. It still does not take away from the fact you do not take care of your kids. I cannot respect anyone that does that and thinks it’s ok.

  13. Anyway, Spurs wants to fuck Rocket Queen. He said so on the last post. Hear that Queenie? There’s actually a mon out there that wants you.

  14. I’m sure you never intended or saw yourself where you are, and I’m sure it didn’t just happen overnight. Doesn’t change the fact that where you are is a result of your outlook and life decisions, not mine.

  15. “Belittling my position to “hanging sheetrock”might offend me if it weren’t coming from a small time air peddler and car salesman.”

    That was good EV.

  16. Okay DG, you ever eaten breakfast at a diner in Crosset on a Saturday morning? How about a high school graduation in Russellville? Maybe a political rally in Slovak?

    What makes you a stupid bitch is that you’re superficial. You can’t see past the exterior to a person’s heart. Malls matter to you more than strength.

  17. I’m gonna get Rudy’s thug wannabe little brother to track down Rexic. Ashley Blair is Rexic’s first and middle name. Her last name is Walton or Waldron, something like that. Rudy told me. after I showed her pictures, that she’s seen the little sister working as a waitress at one of the bars in downtown STL. Rudy won’t go to Lure because she doesn’t like black folks.

  18. Ok cbt. Did you forget you are talking to a girl who doesn’t care about getting dirty and loves everything nature has to offer? Yet I’m superficial and malls matter to me more than strength? Makes no sense.

    You see I can see past the exterior very well. And I can see past yours. You are a heartless deadbeat scumbag.

  19. DG, I can do that shit over the phone.

    I see both my daughters at least twice a month.

    Here bitch, you wanna know what truly sucks right now? My youngest daughter’s mother wants me to move them to California where her family is. I know in my heart that it’s the best thing for Tiff and Briley both. You profess to be a woman, so tell me; is it selfish of me to want my kid close to me when I know her life will be better 2000 miles away? Fuck you.

  20. I was widowed at age 45 and I’ll tell you from experience, dating women in their mid to late forties sucks. Way to much baggage from thier divorces or they are nuts from hormone imbalance

  21. DG, I don’t like women my age because they’re either fat and bitter or had lots of plastic surgery and bitter.

    Shit, Rocket Queen is a perfect example of the latter.

  22. “SPURS FAN said…
    You didn’t paint a very pretty picture of the dating scene at that age dirtyhater.”

    That’s why I pay the young un’s rent.

  23. You don’t see them anyway. So you may as well let them go. Now if you were actually in their lives daily and you did things like feed them, play with them, and teach them things that only parents can do if they cared enough for them to be around them, I would insist them staying near you.

    So as a woman, I would choose to take care of my kids and never miss milestones that can only be seen once. I think that is a much better option than chasing stupid people using me for my money and smoking weed every night.

    Like I said, priorities cbt. What are yours?

  24. Dh, I appreciate the sentiment, believe me I do, but never say that again. I spent 8 and a half months killing Nicaraguan patriots while allied with a bunch of drug and gun running thugs Reagan threw money at because they claimed to be anti-communist.

  25. C’mon DG, tell me what to do or shut the motherfucking hell up about my girls and my fatherhood skills forever. You’re so Godammned smart you solve that one.

  26. Nah… I will be happily married to Dr. Escobar. But I think I’m really too laid back to ever be crazy. Being crazy seems like it takes up too much wasted energy.

  27. I just told you what to do CBT if I were you. I would actually take care of my kids. Not just send a check. I would teach them how to ride a bike, how to play catch, how to tie a shoe, etc. A check cannot do that. A check cannot show love and affection.

  28. “DG aid…

    I just told you what to do CBT if I were you. I would actually take care of my kids. Not just send a check. I would teach them how to ride a bike, how to play catch, how to tie a shoe, etc. A check cannot do that. A check cannot show love and affection.”

    DG that ain’t what I asked. What I want to know is is it selfish of me to want to be able to all the stuff you talked about when I know that sending her and her mother 2000 miles away is better for everyone except me in the long run.

  29. If I were you cbt, I would log off the internet right now and get my kids. I would make sure they are under the same roof every chance I got. I would be the one to put a bandaid on their knee when they fell and the one to hug them when they cry.

  30. It’s not better to send them away. It’s only better to send them away if you don’t feel like taking care of them.

    So the question is DO YOU WANT TO PHYSICALLY TAKE CARE OF THEM? Or just rid yourself of them and use the 2000 mile distance as your excuse not to raise them?

  31. EV, In reality I’m quite fond of the Rocket Queen. She’s M’lady, e-wise, even though I’d rather take a .45 round to the head than stick my dick in her.

  32. DG, if it werte up to me I’d have them both living here in Mountain Home where I can truly take care of them, both ways. That ain’t gonna happen. Tiff in Little Rock without me there to take of her is a problem. That affects Briley. The negative influences on Tiff in LR are absent in California. Better Mother, better life for Briley, plus the love of a dozen aunts and uncles, in CA.

  33. “DO YOU WANT TO PHYSICALLY TAKE CARE OF THEM? Or just rid yourself of them and use the 2000 mile distance as your excuse not to”

    I wish it was that simple, Shelley.

  34. Excuses cbt. Keep making them if that’s how you want to justify it. Why don’t you find a fatherless kid and ask them if they wish their father was in their life?

  35. Where the fuck is kb when I need her? Although I’m sure her solution would involove anal beads and tricking the warden into taking out the garbage.

    MTQT and Elfie have the most real life experience here, and they both have good hearts, albiet hearts buried really deep under two sets of some awesome titties.

  36. It is that simple, Roy. Take care of your damn kids. You are old and settled. You even have it easier than most people in their 20’s having kids. My dad was 41 when I was born. He bought me things, took me places, and always brought me a toy or candy when he came home from work everyday. I remember always being so excited when he got home. I remember hugging him when I was no taller than his knee. He carried me around like I was a princess. Always proud to introduce me to everyone and brought me everywhere he could to show me off.

    Now that is a father.

  37. I have plenty of life experience to know what a father is and is not cbt. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

  38. EV, I never kiss ass to get laid. I don’t expect to get fucked by either of them, ever. I happen to like and respect their real world experiences. Those girls, especially Elifie, grew up hard. MTQT has her family to help, something I’ve gleaned Elfie doesn’t.

  39. Okay, thank you. Short of kidnapping them at gunpoint, how do I get a girl more hard headed than you to move to Mountain Home when she wants to be back in LA?

  40. Well, she decided to have kids with a scumbag like you so now she cannot leave. That’s her problem. Tell her to make herself comfortable for the next 16 years.

  41. EV, I missed your question. The oldest daughter’s not an issue now. She’s 3 and is starting to understand I’m more than jusy “Uncle Roy”. I have decent rapport with her grandparents (my age) now. That took 3 years. My ex wife has stopped stirring shit up with Ella’s momma’s grandmother and her probation office.

    My youngest is the issue. Her mother just turned 22. Briley is 20 months old (to see her look under CBT’s (or Cowboy Trout’s) Girl post on this site. Momma broke up with her boyfriend in February. I have since gotten her an apartment, a car and a job, in addition to the $500 minimum she gets in child support. Now her oldest sister, who is the secretary to the Terminators secretary, has offerred to pay pay Momma’s college if she’ll move back to Sacramento, where she’s from. Momma has a bunch of partier friends in Little Rock, good kids, but kinda wild. Her sister can control her better than I can and make her act right. That’s better for my daughter. And don’t tell me to try and get custody of my daughter. That ain’t gonna happen in Pulaski County, Arkansas. Here in Baxter County, no problem. That’s why Momma won’t move here.

  42. DG, that’s cool. You were one of the lucky ones, like me. My parents have been married 60 years. My point is, don’t critize me when I ‘m having to deal with shit that you couldn’t deal with if you were in my position. I don’t give you advice on what to do when you find your boyfriend just proposed because his visa expired.

  43. DG, your only hope is that you can suck a dick so good you make a man feel like he’s sucked his ass up into his belly button when he blows off in your mouth. Other it’s the life of RQ for you (rhymed).

  44. I ask, CBT, because I don’t fall into that mentality that it’s always the male’s fault. Some guys, quite a few of them, are cowards. It doesn’t permit a woman to go through with a pregnancy when the Dad is AWOL, or an unfit parent, just because she’s not in the wrong.

  45. When I was 3 I knew my dad as ‘daddy’. Never ‘uncle’. That’s fucked up, cbt. No wonder why you are a drunk. I would be depressed too knowing my kids don’t know who I am.

  46. I have no problem dating. Nor am I bitter or jaded about any of my past relationships. But I cannot and will not respect someone who does not have interest in taking care of their kids.

  47. what really irks me is that you need a license to fish but not to have kids. cbt is a prime example of why we should tho.

  48. Wait….

    CBT is referring to ‘momma’ as his baby’s mother. And his kid calls him uncle.

    Now cbt refers to his sister as ‘big momma’.

    Now I get it. momma and big momma are the same person which is why cbt is called uncle and daddy.

  49. i wonder how many times cbt might have already drank your piss when you were living in chicago? every time you would flush the toilet his sink would work.

  50. I’m on the fence with families that have a shitton of kids. I used to think of it as irresponsible, until my friend introduced me to the rest of his family. Awesome genes. I’m actually kind of disappointed that they didn’t have a few more.

  51. DG, I’m neither a drunk nor depressed. Life is what it is. Living beats the alternative, and I’ve seen the alternative up close. When I can no longer live, then I will choose to die.

  52. DG, my hometown is full of people from Chicago. They are , by and large, the most racist, whiny, obnoxious, rude, low life piecesw of shit I have ever seen. Chicoans make Bostonites seem like positve harbringers ofr glory. Sp fuck you and your Chicago upbringing, unless you’re a Pollack. Pollacks is good folks.

  53. My dad is 7 years older than my mom. He also never left her because she was no longer 25. He is more of a man than you will ever be.

  54. CBT, chicago doesn’t have a population of 126 people. It’s a big city. Besides, I would never associate with the rejects that would consider calling your redneck state home.

  55. DG, I didn’t leave my wife because she didn’t look 25 because at 36, she still did. I left her because she started going to church and hanging out with folks in their 70s. Well, that and the fact she run me outta the house at gunpoint when she found out I was fucking Christel.

  56. If the south sucks so bad and chicago and new york and so on are so great, why do so many people leave those big ugly cities and move to the south? I ask the same question of mexicans, if it’s so wonderful, why are they all here?

  57. Hey Ev, I knowe you’re a Gold Bond Guy, som some advice, never get the green bottle (extra strength) stuff on the head of your pecker. You will do a dance that will make it rain when that shit kicks in.

  58. FG, I bet my little southern city has a higher percentage of advanced degrees then anywhere you have ever lived. But then again we design missles and rockets here so we have real rocket scientists.

  59. CBT, I would never have any interest in a toothless redneck.

    DH, I left chicago because I hated the weather and didn’t like that there weren’t any mountains.

  60. No CBT, huntsville.

    Yea it is a big deal DG, on a lot of levels, from supporting your family to doing something useful with your life. Not that hanging drywall is not useful but it not what most aspire to. Just an example EV

  61. Spurs, you need to join the cool crowd of two-three letter monikers. CBT, DG, kb, EV, MTQT, RQ, the list goes on. Elfs also needs to get with the programs.

  62. There are plenty of other jobs out there other than rocket scientist to support your family. I’m not a rocket scientist and support myself just fine.

    But let me rethink this. Choose to live where I want to because I enjoy the outdoors or choose to live by some rocket scientists.

    I think I like my choice better.

  63. Sorry, I think I was giving you enough credit to understand my point but you prefer to debate on an immature level, but you do seem to be here more then you are outdoors. Just sayin

  64. Really DH? May 24-28 I was in the bottom of the Grand Canyon. June 9-12 I was camping in Malibu. July 1st I was paragliding off of a mountain. July 2-3 I was backpacking. July 15-17 I was back in cali in Santa Monica and took a trip to 6 flags. In two weeks I am spending a week in Sedona. Oh btw, at 6am I am hiking mountains 3-4 days a week and also doing bikram yoga 3-4 days a week.

    So DH….you don’t know me very well. Just sayin…

  65. Dh, DG’s just as bitter as RQ, she just hasn’t had the extra 20 years for it to forment to a level where it spews forth without self censorship.

  66. No EV, not all instances, NJ is the ,ost densely populated state but is it the state with the most hi tech jobs or jobs requiring the most education? Not hardly.

    Dg you need to stand up when people talk to you so shit doesn’t go over your head.

  67. So what if I post here. I do have some down time and do go to sleep at night. And I have this cool invention called a laptop. And it has wi-fi too!

  68. “DG said…
    Really DH? May 24-28 I was in the bottom of the Grand Canyon. June 9-12 I was camping in Malibu. July 1st I was paragliding off of a mountain. July 2-3 I was backpacking. July 15-17 I was back in cali in Santa Monica and took a trip to 6 flags. In two weeks I am spending a week in Sedona. Oh btw, at 6am I am hiking mountains 3-4 days a week and also doing bikram yoga 3-4 days a week.

    So DH….you don’t know me very well. Just sayin…”

    Dg left out Lilith Fair.

  69. dh, you should also know that boeing and motorola as well as intel do have factories and research and development here. your point is moot.

  70. More high tech firms have moved to the less dense south for several reasons including the fact that without large dense populations, taxes can be much lower

  71. We’re not talking about a correlation between population numbers and job level. Your trying to make the point that more high profile jobs exist in more rural areas, which is false.

  72. and also without having to pay more to their employees. the cost of living there is shit. thats why they pay shit. simple economics. not becus the south is full of geniuses. besides, how many of them are from out of state? once again, your point is moot.

  73. even our lowest home value is still by far greater than your highest trailer value. cbt…your point…is…moot!

  74. Anon, i know AZ very well, have dealt with many firms there, lived in SoCal and LV for 15 yrs and I’m not knocking them at all. I’m trying to explain to the closed minded that the sterotype of the south is not alway accurate. That said I’d never move west of Colorado again i don’t think.

  75. meaning that ya’ll countryfolk that moved here thinking your g.e.d. was gonna git ya a big ol house in feenix couldnt pay yer more-jeg.

  76. House values in Mountain home are over $100 a square foot, dip shit. Homes here have dropped less than 10% while yours dropped 3 times that.

  77. Dh, If you are referring to my comments to cbt about Arkansas, I have been there. How you threw in something about degrees had nothing to do with my point. I don’t hate the south and I never said I did. I just do not want to live there.

  78. cbt, even if i could have the biggest house there for free i still wouldnt even stop by to take a shit in your state.

  79. The cost of living here is less because of fiscal conservatisism. I bet you pay in property taxes more in a month for your little 1/4 acre lot then I pay in a yr for my 2 acres

  80. well, once they push a broken down van next to the back door and call it an extra bedroom the value goes up to at least $350.00 easily.

  81. My point is you are showing ignorance in your general comments about the south. Like most people who make general comments about any group or population, you sound stupid.

  82. “Anonymous said…
    if hillbillys like water, why are they in the hills? derp!”

    Ummm, Lake Norfork, Bull shoals lake, Beaver Lake, Greers Ferry Lake, the White River, The Buffalo river, The North Fork River, Crooked Creek, The Little Red River, Spring and Eleven point rivers. All that’s an hour or less from me. Idiot.

  83. And BTW, I’m not from the south, I grew up in colorado and would have moved back there yrs ago if it were possible but life gets in the way sometimes.

  84. dh, stereotypes are there for a reason. why do you think the south got that stereotype? becus its full of hot models and fucking einsteins?

  85. “Anonymous said…
    well, once they push a broken down van next to the back door and call it an extra bedroom the value goes up to at least $350.00 easily.”

    That’s what y’all let them Mexicans do down there in the ndesert?

  86. Ugh, you are showing ignorance because you don’t even understand my point. I have no interest in living in Arkansas. It’s that simple. I never bragged about Chicago or how great it was. You are twisting my words.

    So what exactly is your point?

  87. really? you are calling me an idiot when all of your typos and misspellings have caused just about everyone here a fucking headache.

  88. I offered Pam a grand because I figured she could do that deal where my asshole would feel like it was coming out my belly button when I shot off in her mouth. Well, that, and I just love that little ho.

  89. And I never go outdoors…Once again DH, more ignorance.

    I have to tell you DH, you are doing a fine job at living up to your stereotype just as cbt does. Do you fuck your sister too and call her big momma?

  90. Next time you pass your thermostat, thank a southerner, you know where A/C was invented. Next time you look at the moon, remember where the rocket the took men there was designed and mainly built. I look out my window at work and see an Atlas Rocket, trees and a lake, what do you see rocks? Dirt? I loved the desert when i was young but now it’s just wasted space to me

  91. DH must have switched back to twitter again to pick on the dirty which is old news now but new to him since he just got his dial up working.

  92. Oh and DG, I design the shit that allows you to talk on the internet so again you prove your ignorance. What is it you do, I mean when you are standing upright.

  93. Do I care where the a/c was invented? Nope. But I do appreciate all my neighbors having teeth and having the decency to not fuck their cousins.

  94. well dg, thats what all brilliant people do. invent the internet with al gore and then go talk shit to a fake blogger.

  95. Anonymous, how’re those twins of yours? You figure out yet that Pancho the hod carrier from next door is really their daddy?

    With that, I wish y’all all a gracious goodnight. Tip for DG, the way I eat pussy is much like the number 3 setting on your vibrator, so use that one. Btw way, my real first name is Roy, so holler that out so’s your neighbors will recognize.

  96. hey cbt, what does your daughters pussy taste like? i want to know so i can decide if my sons should tag team her in 16 years.

  97. I wonder why you and DG aren’t married? Any thoughts CBT?

    Nah, I didn’t invent the internet, but i do help make it better.

  98. Oh and anon, if you’re trying to hurt me with the wife comments, not happeneing. I consider the source and ignore it. But if it makes you happy, Fuck you asshole, go crawl back under your rock

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